“Am I good enough?”
This is a thought that constantly plagues many business people.
It shows up in their relationship with money, sales results, and client relationships.
If you’re trying to put yourself ‘out there’ in the marketplace but you have deep, unresolved fears around your personal worth and value, then you will self-sabotage at every step of the way.
Our recent guest on the Win Sales Now! Podcast, Jaemin Frazer, is an expert on the topic of insecurity and overcoming fear.
He’s widely regarded as Australia’s Leading Life Coach, the founder of The Insecurity Project, and is also the voice behind the popular One Minute Coach radio segment with 750,000 Australian’s reached daily!
His insights and opinions on this topic are invaluable:
“People are insecure about being insecure. But when they stop running from their reality and come out of hiding, they reach an exciting stage in their life. They begin to truly understand their own problems and can start the process of fixing their insecurities.”
I invite you to listen in on this fascinating conversation.
To learn more about Jaemin Frazer visit: https://jaeminfrazer.com
Daniel Tolson (00:02):
Our guest today is widely regarded as a Straley, as a leading life coach. He’s the founder of the insecurity project and the voice behind the popular one minute coach radio segment, which influences more than 750,000 Australians every day. So that he’s going to show us how insecurity kills sales and how you can overcome it to win sales. Now, please put your hands together and help me. Welcome to the wind sales now podcast, our good friend Jaman Fraser.
Jaemin Frazer (00:36):
What a lovely welcome. Thanks guys.
Daniel Tolson (00:38):
Thanks for joining us. Well, the topic is insecurity and we’re on the wind sales now podcast. So how does insecurity kill sales?
Jaemin Frazer (00:51):
I mean, money is how we ascribed value. So where there is an inherent lack of value ascribed to ourselves, it shows up in our relationship with money. If you’re trying to put yourself out there in the marketplace and there’s this deep fear that’s unresolved, that on some level you’re not good enough, you don’t deserve, there’s some lack, there’s someone adequacy, then that actually shows up in your finances. It means that you don’t, you don’t demonstrate your value congruently. You hold back, you’re not confident in putting yourself out there. And therefore people pick that up. Um, your certainty gives your clients permission to be certain, uh, where you shot with uncertainty, that’s shown back to you with your clients. Uncertainty. So definitely has a big impact on sales.
Daniel Tolson (01:38):
Insecurity is Roth, um, across Australia whether we recognize it, Oh, not had a people recognize their insecurities without being taught by somebody else. Hide. You’re insecure. That’s a tough conversation.
Jaemin Frazer (01:53):
That’s a tough conversation. People are insecure about being insecure. So very difficult. And I think most people are not willing to have a look under the hood and explore, but there comes a time when you stop running from your reality and are willing to face it. And when you face it and examine what’s going on, it’s the start of something very exciting because if you can accurately understand the problem, well then you’re on your way to fixing it. So I think people, people see insecurity when they’re willing to start running and uh, and coming out of hiding and be found. So it’s a, it’s an exciting stage in anyone’s life.
Daniel Tolson (02:30):
It’s an interesting strategy that running. And what I find is that a lot of sales people and a lot of business people, they started to get into their forties and running takes a lot of physical energy. But when you’re in your forties coming into 50s your physical energy definitely tends to change and you start to go from physically exhausting yourself to mentally exhausting yourself. And that mental exhaustion comes in. It tends to be that these insecurities start to bubble up in invoice with our customers where they’re on the sales rollercoaster, they have highs and lows and depression followed by exhilaration. And, and we see that, we also see people, they quickly get to a certain level of sales and then they flatline and then they just a constant, they, they constantly produce the same amount. They get heaps of education, but they don’t move. Well the other ones go up and they just rapidly drop and they keep plummeting. So where do you, where do you tend to catch this out with your clients? Where do you see it as the coach?
Jaemin Frazer (03:34):
Yeah, sure. I see it, uh, where it shows up as pain. So that can be, there’s pain in each of those graphs that you described where someone’s plateauing, there’s pain because they’re like, I can’t understand why I’m not growing, where they’ve had the high and now they’re experiencing the low. There’s a massive amount of pain. They can’t understand why, but whatever it is, there’s, there’s pain and pain is such a wonderful gift because it, it’s designed to tell us something is wrong. It’s designed to move us from danger towards safety. If you put your hand on the fire, it’s supposed to hurt and that’s a loving message to say, take your hand off the fire. So people come to me in financial pain and it’s beautiful because then they willing to be wrong about some stuff. I love Mark Manson’s quote. He says, listen, all change is preceded by being wrong. And so until people are ready to be wrong, well then they just keep doing what they’ve always done. So pain is a great chance to go. Hang on a minute, perhaps I haven’t seen something here. Perhaps I’m hiding something or avoiding something. There’s something hidden from my awareness. But if I keep going down this path, the pain only increases. I can’t keep doing that, you know? So whatever it takes, I’m ready for a different conversation and a willingness to explore what’s what’s actually showing up in my world.
Daniel Tolson (04:47):
W we had at sharp in our world, we were newly married, it would’ve been 2011 and I started coming home from work. We’re living in Dubai and I’d say to ninny, we’ve got to tighten our belts. And she’s like, I losing white or something. I said, no, we’re going to talk now belts. You know, we’re married now. We’re going to stop putting money away for the future. Things are getting more expensive. And she’s like, but why tighten your belts? And I was like, I just gotta tighten your belt. So I’d go away, I’d come back from another flight, let’s go to the movies. Let’s go out for dinner. Sorry, we can’t afford that. We’ll have to talk now. Bonus. Just let’s this bloody Titan, how belt about. And I said, Oh no, that’s just what you say when you don’t have enough money. And she said, who said that to you?
Daniel Tolson (05:30):
And I thought, well, I’d heard it from my mum. So I rang mum and said, mum, um, why did we say we’re going to tighten our belt? And she explained the story and she said, but you better ask your grandmother. So after grandmother asked, I said, why are we going to taught now belt? And so what I’d found was this saying in our family had been passed on through the generations and the root cause of it came from the depression. And my grandmother was one of six children. Her father walked out on her and her siblings and her mother, and
Jaemin Frazer (05:58):
it was her mother who had to raise six children in the middle of the depression and they had nothing. And the quote was, we’ve got to tighten our belt. And that showed up in our life in pain, although there was no financial problem at the time, but it just whipped through the generations. So website.
Nini Tolson (06:15):
Yeah. But in your opinion, in your opinion, what do you think is the main cause of the insecurity that people having?
Jaemin Frazer (06:25):
Yeah, beautiful question. Uh, it’s a universal challenge. We’re sense-making creatures. We go into the world and we give meaning to our experience. We’re always asking and answering two questions for every experience. Question one, why did that happen? Question two, what does it mean about me? So as a child, you’re going through uncertainty, pain, disappointment. There’s, there’s hard things happening and these are the two questions you’re reflecting on. Why did this happen? What does it mean about me? So children typically answer those questions personally. They, they direct the answers about themselves. And so they think that happened because they deserved it. They attracted it, they were bad, they were wrong. So it begins this confirmation bias once we think that’s true, we just look for evidence that that’s true. And so begins this pattern of feeling inadequate based on the meaning we put on the defining moments of our life.
Jaemin Frazer (07:16):
So that happens for every single human being. I’m not sure there was a single person who has found a way to avoid that in some level growing up to ascribe some kind of negative personal meaning. But it’s beautiful because it gives us some challenge to rise against some, some quest. Uh, you know, the, the great joy of life is having beautiful problems to solve. If it was all easy, would be no valleys. So it’s one of the great challenges. We each are given to work out. If those stories are true, if they’re serving us, can they be changed? Can they be improved? So it’s a, it’s, it’s wonderful work and work that leads to great joy and great life on the other side.
Nini Tolson (07:57):
Hmm. I really love that. The, the, the, the, the chord that you just share, you know, it’s, uh, it’s like people think about insecurity is the word didn’t sounds beautiful, but when you explain it, it’s sounds very beautiful to me. You know, like you, you can overcome the, you know, just take the opportunity to find something that we can overcome. I think that’s beautiful that the way that you express it
Jaemin Frazer (08:20):
and even more beautiful is when you overcome insecurity, then you get a more high quality problem to overcome. So, so many applying with very small problems. They’ve never worked at how to overcome their insecurity so they’re not even sure what they’re capable of in the world. If you can overcome insecurity, then you get a chance to go and solve more meaningful problems, more problems that actually benefit the whole world rather than dancing around this issue we have on good enough. Do I deserve, you know what, if I’m not okay, that’s a very low level problem. It’s a kindergarten problem. The people to solve that problem so you can get a better problem. Beautiful. So, so I, I’m a business person. I’m out there making sales and I come across my customer and I mean secure. What are, what are some of the thoughts that are going through my head as I’m sitting in front of the customer? Yeah. Wow. Uh, am I going to be able to deliver what I’m saying? Am I good enough for this client? Am I over promising and under delivering?
Jaemin Frazer (09:23):
Did they really see value in what I’m presenting there? They just undermine your certainty and your confidence to put yourself out there. Your ability to solve the client’s number one problem. So it’s sabotage is your own communication skills and the the conference with which you deliver your values proposition [inaudible] and in the emotion that that comes from those thoughts, what emotions do people start to wrestle with? Well, anxiety would obviously is a massive Viner. I love just pushing back when people say they’ve got an anxiety problem because anxiety needs a backstory to survive. If you were to deconstruct anxiety just just a little, you would, you would discover that you must, there must be an underlying belief that you are incapable of the challenge in front of you to feel anxiety. If you felt totally capable and totally confident in your capacity to deal with a challenge, it makes no sense to be anxious. We only feel anxious if on an eighth that we feel, or maybe I’m not good enough at this, so yeah, anxiety shows up, but it’s not, it’s not this problem that’s unrelated or this thing you just, that comes on you. It’s purely evidence of unresolved insecurity. So anxiety, uncertainty, guilt, shame. You know, where you feel like you’ve, you’ve tricked someone into buying from you and you’re not sure you can deliver value that doesn’t help you sleep well at night.
Jaemin Frazer (10:50):
It’s interesting there’s what they teach you in sales is to over promise really over promising. I know grant Cardone talks about in his book the 10 X rule, you gotta, you gotta make promises 10 times bigger than you’ve gotta live up to it. Wow. Well sure that that works. If you can be that person who can deliver that and the only way you’ll deliver a 10 X problem is if you come to the table secure and you can access the best of you. You can access your resource from the Z creativity, your best skills if you’re insecure. Well that’s, you know, you might be brash around that promise and deliver 10 times, but that’s going to create a massive amount of pressure and anxiety cause you just feel you can’t live up to that promise and it’s going to end in tears somewhere along the line. Sure. I’m going to show you a hundred thousand dollar product and uh, the normal person gets a a hundred thousand dollar return on investment, but I’m going to promise you $1 million. Yeah. What else? Pretty bold statement. And, and uh, grant Cardone, after he wrote the book, the Tenex role, he wrote a
Daniel Tolson (11:54):
book called be obsessed or be average. And what he said was that when people making these big promises, they started to freak out because it was so big that they didn’t know how to live up to it after that. So do you think people have been accustomed to over promising, but the fear is, you know, came, we deliver and that kicks off the insecurity in the sales process.
Jaemin Frazer (12:16):
Yeah. Massive. I think we want to stand out in the market. We want to be delivering this, this rare offering, which means we want it to be squeaky clean. We want the sound so good in the market. Otherwise, how are we going to get cut through? So I think we are accustomed to positioning ourselves with a great offering. But yeah, if you, if you don’t believe in your capacity to live, to deliver it at some point that you’re going to sabotage at some point, that’s going to undermine your capacity to make that thing work in the real world. So that’s why it’s such an important subject. If you don’t solve insecurity, uh, it, it can’t end wealthy.
Daniel Tolson (12:51):
So if, if, if we switch roles on, I’m no longer the seller, I’m the buyer and I’m looking through my buyer’s eyes at a salesperson who’s insecure, what are the things that the buyer starts to see in the seller? How do they pick up this insecurity?
Jaemin Frazer (13:08):
I think they see it as neediness. I think if you’re, if you’re insecure, um, it shows up as his desperation. Sometimes it shows up as, I need you to work with me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to believe in me so that I can have confidence and neediness is the most unattractive we can be in any relationship. Like we have a very acute sense of neediness. It is not a pleasant experience when someone comes in 80 I mean annual relationship, a romantic relationship. We, you know, we’re very aware of that when someone’s needy and that it just, you repelled from that in a business sense to if someone begging you for, for their business,
Jaemin Frazer (13:49):
Oh, to work with them. Uh, it doesn’t feel great. We, we wanna we want, we love it when someone positions themselves as the prize. They’re hard to work with. You gotta jump gotta jump through all hoops to get into their program, look like they don’t need you at all. They’re like, hang on. I mean this guy has got something different going on, so you can’t really fake that. I think you have to again, show up secure, confident, nothing to prove and nothing to defend so that you can genuinely be the prize in any transaction and not have this neediness undermining and repelling your client.
Daniel Tolson (14:23):
Well, it sounded like my wife’s dating strategy when I met her, we were working with Emirates airline and we were both working in economy and I was operating the galley and the galley operator prepays all the food and beverages for the customers. And what the Kevin crew tend to do is they congregate at the galley before the flight and you have your galley gossip, so you gas, you gossip about the previous people that you flew with, you gossip about the past customers and you and I just told bullshit stories the whole time. And anyway, the whole crew came together and there was only one cabin crew who didn’t come over and congregate. And it was ninny. Yes. Um, you know, people, you don’t really know their names because you just moving those people for the first time. So I said, you know, Taiwan come over to the galley. I said, come and talk to the crew. And she said no. And I said, why not? She said, I don’t have to. Wow. And I was throwing back. So then I must’ve started jumping through hoops and she and I won the prize.
Jaemin Frazer (15:23):
Have you come across Oren class book pitch, anything I’ve read, flip the script but not pitch or anything. Ah, yeah. Well that’s where I got that language from cause it just helped me understand the psychology of that, that we want what we can’t have and the more we can’t have it, the more we want it. And so insecurity is the opposite of that because it positions ourselves as free and easy and desperate and it actually, you think people are going to be more open to working with you if you’ll do anything. Uh, turns out that’s you just repel them. So to be the prize really requires a high level of confidence because if you’re going to sign no, well then you have to be prepared to walk away. And if you’re insecure, you can’t be prepared to walk away because you actually do need that. So you’re just bluffing about secure people. In fact, no, actually I don’t need you in my world. I don’t need you in my business. Uh, if you want what I’ve got, sure. Here’s the rules, but you play this game my way, not your way. Hmm. Yep.
Daniel Tolson (16:16):
Pretty much. Yeah. I can walk away anytime you’ve got a ring on your finger. We have an agreed contract. Go babies. They’ve got a dog and a cat. Come on. You can’t leave me like that.
Jaemin Frazer (16:28):
It’s so interesting you say that because one of the things we’ve been married 20 years, my wife and I, and one of the things we have promised each other from day one is that we will both still show up as the prize. So we, we say things to each other like, Hey, listen, if you don’t want to be the one that loves me the way I deserve, that’s going to go badly for you. There’s 10 other people outside waiting to take you off.
Daniel Tolson (16:49):
Who do you wish to forfeit it and just be like that? It sounds like. Yes,
Jaemin Frazer (16:55):
threatening each other, but it demands, it demands a high level of interaction. It demands you don’t tolerate anyone’s rubbish. And we have a great relationship as a result. So if you can both be the prize, my goodness, anything’s possible.
Daniel Tolson (17:08):
Yeah. W what do you play these games at home? And I say, you said in our vows you will love. And I by me, she said, what do you say to me? I say, I will respect you, but I didn’t say obey. And when I asked you to do something, you say, you know that you know the risks. You know what your lose, how do you respond?
Daniel Tolson (17:33):
I, I will say it in any, you know, come on back to the kitchen. It’s, you’ll say, that’s not my job. I’ll say it says it in the, in the marriage. She says it’s not in there. And it’s true. You know, one of the things that um, Telstra is having within Australia is the new generation, the middle millennials this way don’t want contracts. We want you to treat us so good that we will just stick around. We don’t want out on tracks. And I’ve, the last couple of years they haven’t been able to hold their contractual agreements. I know that he’s in these ed telephone contracts, they’re just saying, no, I’m not putting up with that. And, and we do this with our providers as well. We said all side and you can make me sign a contract, but you’ve got to live up to it as well because a lot of them providers, they think just because you’ve signed it, they don’t have to do anything else, but they still have to live up to it. Because how we do it in business these days is we vote with our purchases and we can either keep purchasing or not and we can purchase somewhere else. So very important. So what do you say is the insecurity headed? How have you seen this in the marketplace?
Nini Tolson (18:44):
Uh, I think when Jamie mentioned about, you know, when people have those insights, do you know when this insecurity is start really kicking in? And I think we see that a lot in our clients who came to us, you know, into the business is that having those self negative, you know, negative self talk about I’m not good enough. I couldn’t run this business, you know, all this little little things. So I think that is, is, is really fascinating. When Jamie mentioned that, you know, what he is seeing is in his field. Yeah. It’s, it’s really, I think there’s all the connections into it.
Daniel Tolson (19:20):
So you’re the expert. He, you, you speak to 750,000 people per day on the one minute coach you regarded widely as Australia’s leading life coach and you’ve tripled drink hum. By dealing with your own insecurities. So what’s your backstory and what did you have to overcome and how did you do it?
Jaemin Frazer (19:40):
Sure. So, so just, uh, briefly, I moved my family to Germany for nine months in 2016 off the back of reading Tim Ferriss’s four hour workweek, um, time, money, mobility, the three luxuries from like, I mean, so I rang my wife on the gold coast. I was on the gold coast. She was in her home in Golbin after I read that book and said, all right, can we can do this? I reckon we can just jet around the world and I could run my business. She’s like, can you, yep. Alright, let’s do it. So we got on the plane with one person signed up to my first online coaching program and no plan B, and I thought it’d be fine. And it was a lot harder than I thought. And halfway through that experience, I ran out of money and it was not from lack of effort.
Jaemin Frazer (20:23):
I was doing everything I knew to, to create, um, business growth and hundred percent committed to that. And I noticed that and my wife pointed out that my track record around money was horrible and I did not want to hear that or I couldn’t run away from it anymore. And I discovered that there was almost part of me that resisted more money that had, uh, was more sales that was resisting getting better clients. And it just didn’t make any sense to me until I explored my own insecurity around this. And I discovered that part of the modeling, and part of my own agreement with money when I was growing up was, uh, you can’t be rich and godly, so you can’t be a good person and a rich person. So, you know, growing up, all the, all the good people we knew were poor or the rich people were pricks have a great either selfish, you know, they try it on PayPal.
Jaemin Frazer (21:15):
And so, uh, I decided that’s true. If I’m going to be a good person, I’m going to be a poor person. And that was this rock solid agreement. And so there was this insecurity that I couldn’t handle money. The money would corrupt me, that if I would get more money, it would turn me into a bad person. And so therefore my own unconscious was protecting me from the thing I was afraid of by saying Jaman you do not have permission to earn more money. Uh, so until I actually faced that, became aware of it, and then did the work of deconstructing that story, of undoing that agreement and rewriting the script and giving myself permission to actually be good and rich, then I couldn’t move forward. So having done that work, it just extraordinary because there’s abundance all around us at all times. But I was locking myself out of that own, that experience.
Jaemin Frazer (22:01):
So three weeks after I did that work off the back of the same effort and the same intensity and the same focus. I earned more money in the, in the last three months of that year than I’d done the previous three years. It was just an extraordinary experience of now it is, okay now the handbrakes off, now it’s fine to move forward and value myself appropriately because that insecurity is out of the way. You mentioned the book, the four hour workweek. Hmm. And uh, I read the book probably around about the same time and I’ve read the blogs that have followed PEBLO who’ve taken a similar journey to you and they said is crap, the four hour work. Like it doesn’t work. Yeah. How many of those people do you think would have been impacted by their own insecurities that people who didn’t work for?
Jaemin Frazer (22:51):
This is such an interesting point. I was only having a conversation with a client just before we got on this around. Uh, the fact that, you know, business frameworks work, they’re proven to work. Um, but the thing that often falls down in the framework is not, the framework itself is the person’s ability to apply the framework they get in their own way. So the four hour work week is a beautiful framework. It is. It does work. The problem is not the framework. The problem is with when a person’s beliefs and insecurities and stories runs up against that framework and locks them out of fully applying it. So I think that’s true for any, any framework anywhere. So there comes a point where you can have the mechanics down Pat, your marketing plan, your business plan, your strategic plans, all squeaky clean, but you haven’t done the personal development plan. That’s the gap. That’s the thing that’s in the way. That’s what you’re banging your head on and will continue to be the thing you bang your head on. And then if you don’t address it, you’ll deceive yourself and think, Oh, the problem is the framework. Bloody four hour workweek. That book doesn’t even work. I need a better book. What’s the next book I can read? What’s the next shiny object I can go on the five hour work week.
Jaemin Frazer (24:00):
That’s what I need. Give me that book. Yeah. One of the things we say to our clients is that your attitude is your angle of approach. You know, in aviation the attitude is the pitch of the aircraft as it’s taking off or it’s coming into lane and in business we know that if you’re approaching a customer with an attitude of insecurity, the whole customer experience in, and it’s quite fascinating. I have never personally had insecurity in, in prospecting. Okay. Because I was trained at an early age. You know, you go out and you knock on doors, you ring on bills. Um, but there was definitely other insecurities along the way and you, you get those nos and you start to question your real life, you go, well, I’m really good at prospecting until I get the no show. Yeah. It definitely changes your angle of approach and, and you’re going to get a lot of know before you get a yes in business.
Jaemin Frazer (25:02):
So how can people work on their insecurities today? What can they do starting today to start to develop that response? Sure. I, well, I think first up just to frame people’s expectations, there is some hard work. You know, this is perhaps some of the most difficult personal development work you will do. But as I said to people all the time, hard is not the problem. People are already doing hard. They will do hard stuff every day. They do hard stuff. It doesn’t work. So if you’re doing hard anyway, you might as well do hard stuff that works. So there is a process, but the way into the process is always to name your feet. It’s to be clear around what the problem is you’re actually trying to solve. So typically people are not clear around the problem. They think it’s a money problem, a sales problem, a business problem, a strategic problem. When if they were to step back and observe it more clearly, that’s not the problem. That’s where it’s showing up. The problem is their own belief system, their own fear of inadequacy, their own opinion of themselves. So Yoda says named must your Phoebe before banish it, you can. Um, Jordan Peterson says, be precise in your speech. Things that are unnamed become monsters and consume you. So just that step in itself to start running and to name insecurity as a problem that demands action now is the way into the process of solving this problem.
Jaemin Frazer (26:26):
Have you got any insecurities?
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Sometimes. Be honest. Yeah, sometimes.
Jaemin Frazer (26:33):
What, what, what is it? What’s your insecurity?
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Sometimes I feel
Jaemin Frazer (26:40):
a little to be insecure if I have to
Nini Tolson (26:44):
Jaemin Frazer (26:45):
with the new clients. Yeah, sure. Yeah.
Nini Tolson (26:50):
Doing selling is not my expertise. Daniel aspartate but not mine. So I think in some way I will compare myself to him and that deep bring me some insecurity because I want to, I don’t want to use the word, I want to beat him, but I just want to be a school. But I do want to be as good as him. So sometime I will, you know, have had that usage.
Jaemin Frazer (27:19):
Sure. Yeah. I think it’s really interesting to notice that insecurity is often domain specific. So you might be secure in one area of your life, then it might show up in another. So it’s not saying across the board everything you’re insecure, you know, someone who might be secure about earning $200,000 but insecure about earning $400,000 someone who’s running a team of five might be secure about that, but insecure about running a team of 20 so every new layer of growth opens up new insecurities. We’re secure about what we’ve already achieved and proved to ourselves, capable of, but that growth pushes us forward into new uncertainties and therefore new insecurity show up. So I love that expectation built into this process to go. It’s an ongoing thing. And these practices for solving insecurity are relevant. Whatever level of growth you’re at and wherever insecurity shows up.
Jaemin Frazer (28:10):
Yeah. So for the people who are not dealing with their insecurity today, what does the future look for look like for them? 12 writing months down the track? A Whoa. I don’t think it’s dramatic to say that insecurity left unaddressed leads to madness. I think it, it weakens us in every way, shape and form. It causes inherently good, beautiful, creative people to make decisions that ultimately hurt themselves and others. And the only way of describing that is madness because it’s insecurity is built on a work of fiction. So it’s not actually true. It just becomes true and it becomes this prison. So I think, uh, yeah, the, the future, it’s a serious issue. When I uncovered insecurity for the first time in my, in my own life, it was when I, when I went to write my first book and, and I, it was this mountain of fear there that if I put myself out there, what happens if it’s not good, if no one likes it, if I’m rejected, you know, and I was so strong in me, I thought, if I don’t deal with this, this will consume me. This will leave me as a shell of a, of a person. This will pull me back from my most important work in the world. So, you know, I think that’s been dramatic at all. I think that’s the challenge. It is a really important subject in a dehumanizes us to leave it intact. You said something just a few months ago about people working hard. Hmm. Cane people work too hard. So what I mean by is that they have
Daniel Tolson (29:42):
an insecurity. Mm. They haven’t identified it and they become like a try had, they just got to try harder than everybody else just to get the same result.
Jaemin Frazer (29:53):
Well, that’s exactly what happened. It’s like you’re driving the car with the handbrake on because you are fighting against yourself. There is a part of you which has not given you permission to succeed, and you have to constantly dominate, suppress, win over that part. So it’s so inefficient. Whereas when you solve insecurity, it’s like taking the handbrake off. You’re moving forward with full permission to be the person you want to be in the world. You have access to success. That’s ease and flow. So yeah, 100% right. You are working far harder than you need to for the results that you’re getting if you’re fighting against yourself to get them.
Daniel Tolson (30:28):
So for a sales person that heading security, they’re putting a lot of energy and effort in getting very little reward and they take that handbrake off, the insecurity gets left behind, they move forward. What’s the transformation that takes place? I know that you’ve tripled your income. What else are you seeing in the marketplace for sales people and business owners? I mean, there’s amazing things happen. You know when the student’s ready to take the Rippeys, when the, when the sales person’s ready, the client, a PS or the podcast appears.
Jaemin Frazer (31:04):
When you come ready, then the opportunities are there. They’ve always been there, but you haven’t always been ready. So I think getting ready, showing up where you are capable to be the person you want to be, it’s incredible what opens up in the world. It’s incredible how natural those conversations are. The thing I’ve loved most short tripling income is a beautiful experience, but the, the, the conversations they with, with ideal clients who I know that I can serve, I know I can solve their biggest problem and our consultant very well. They’re just such lovely conversations. They don’t feel like sales conversations. They feel like two people solving a problem and it’s a lovely experience to have that congruence and feel like, wow, what we are both enjoying this experience. 100% we, we’re both so grateful to have this conversation. So that to me, I love that just to feel like I’m enjoying the process and it feels congruent and authentic or
Daniel Tolson (32:00):
authentic, authentic. I love that. That would can ruin, you know, in my mind it’s like driving down the street and all the, or the lights are green. All systems go, you know, you, you, you take action and that attitude that you have supports it. You feel safe, you feel confident, you feel courageous. Uh, you hear the knowledge you accepted as part of the process and you just keep moving forward. You know, you’re just like stealing inches constantly. [inaudible] now you’re, you’re flat out taking notes here. Yup. I can see this. So yeah. What’s your next question? Um,
Nini Tolson (32:40):
just out of curiosity, like what kind of impact you have seen in person when they are not, when they are facing insecurity or you know, like what kind of scenario will look like it’s on the mentally level or can be a physical level? What kind of,
Jaemin Frazer (32:59):
Oh, great. Yeah, great question. So I have a, a diagnostic tool on my website at the moment. Um, you know, find out where insecurity is costing you the most. And it shows up across five key indicators, uh, health. So, um, it often shows up as extra weight. It often shows up as lack of energy, poor sleep, uh, sometimes skin conditions, weird health condition, auto immune, chronic fatigue, all kinds of stuff where doctors are like, eh, I don’t know, it’s me just, uh, try and stop stressing so much, you know, that kind of stuff. Well, that’s great, isn’t it? Great advice. Stop stressing.
Jaemin Frazer (33:36):
And that was the advice. My wife had psoriasis for a time and that was, the doctor said, well, no, there’s no cure for this stress-related, so just try and stop stressing. Oh, thanks for that. That’s excellent. Why didn’t I think of that? Um, but watching her deal with a deeper issue around what, why is that showing up in her world? Well, resolving the internal conflict and the insecurity piece and her skin skin is our biggest, uh, organism. It’s our biggest. And what something, what, what is it? Our biggest, uh, there’s a, I can tell there’s a lot of it, there’s a lot of it. Biggest organ there it is. You know, so it’s the thing most connected to every other part of us. So no wonder it shows up dysfunction. It shows up internal conflict. And when that internal conflict is clean and clear, no wonder the skin shows up, clean and clear.
Jaemin Frazer (34:22):
So yeah, extra weight, you know, when you don’t have permission to sharp at your best, extra weight is a great place to hide. Yeah, you shot five or 10 kilos overweight. Well, no one’s expecting you to be awesome. You’re not expecting yourself to be awesome. But I’m thick skinned, boned, secure people are attractive people. They’re not hiding. They’re bringing their best to the world. Now it shows up in relationships. It shows up treating, uh, tolerating dysfunction, getting treated badly. Um, you know, being in, in situations where you don’t enjoy the conversations, you don’t enjoy the people in your world, but you can’t be assertive cause you’ve, if you’re assertive, you might lose them altogether and then you’d have no one. So, um, yeah, so it’s up in, in business, obviously we’ve talked about that. It shows up in finance, obviously. You know, I think money’s the reward you get for accurately understanding your value in the world. And so we’ve devalued yourself that, you know, that shows up in your relationship with money. So it shows up everywhere. I think it’s a wonderful question or a good question. Now for the people who are watching this right now, where can they take this test that you’ve been talking about and can they follow you
Daniel Tolson (35:38):
to learn more about what you’re doing at the insecurity project? Sure. So if that would a Googling the insecurity project, they would find my website and my podcast, there’s a book due out shortly. The test is very visible on the homepage of my website. That’ll give you an opportunity not to just diagnose the problem, but to see what these seven practices for overcoming insecurity really are. Because there’s no point getting clear about what’s wrong if you don’t. Also, you can also see how to fix it. So yeah. Yeah. Um, that’s how I’d find me. Wonderful. Well, what we’ll do for our guest today, we will actually Jamen Fraser’s details below. So after you’ve watched this video, click the link below. Go straight to his website and be sure to take the online test in discover your own insecurities. I personally took it a couple of weeks ago and it’s quite insightful and remember that one new ID is enough to turn around your business. And I’m a big believer in dealing with your mental and emotional blockages. And I know that there’s so many people out there who have learned how to solve professionally. They go to every sales training, I go to all the conferences, they read all the books, but their results don’t change. And one of the major things in my belief, it’s that attitude and set having insecurity that’s really holding them back. Yeah. So it’d be follow up, be sure to follow. Jaman any final thoughts there for you?
Nini Tolson (37:01):
I was just, thank you very much for joining us today and I think personally, I feel I learned a lot, you know, uh, from different perspective talking about the insecurity, how that affecting our, you know, physically and mentally and yeah. And I got to do the test later on today to see.
Daniel Tolson (37:21):
Thanks for joining us today, Jasmine. And we’ll see you soon. Have a wonderful day. Thank you so much. Funnier.