Helena Nista is Australia’s leading sex therapist specialising in helping her clients overcome sexual issues. Over the years, she has shown thousands of her clients how to become the best lovers they can possibly be and create amazing sex lives.
And today, she is going to show you how to have great sex.
Learn more about Helena: www.helenanista.com
Learn More about Daniel Tolson & Nini Tolson: https://mentaldetox.com.au/stop-self-sabotage/
Daniel Tolson (00:01):
Ladies and gentlemen, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. Our guest today is Australia’s leading sex therapist, specialising in helping her clients overcome sexual issues. Over the years, she has shown thousands of her clients how to become the best lovers they can possibly be in, create amazing sex lives in today. She’s going to show you how to have great sex, so please put your hands together and help us welcome to the Mental Detox Podcast, our good friend, Halena Nista.
Helena Nista (00:36):
Thank you so much. Such a pleasure to be here.
Daniel Tolson (00:39):
It’s a pleasure in that we’re really excited to go deep into this topic because over the years we’ve found that as six has been very taboo in a conversation in families and in business. But after working with more than four and a half thousand people, it’s one of these things where we find our clients have a lot of sabotage in this area. So I would like to help them get some clarity today and hopefully climax by the end of our time together. We’re going to try to make them plot, maxing 12 minutes today, maybe even less now. What’s been your journey to become a sex therapist? And what are some of the challenges that you’ve had as you’ve been building your business?
Helena Nista (01:25):
Mm, well long story short, I, when I was younger I this for, they needed a sex therapist myself. I grew up in Poland and a very Catholic household. So I grew up with a lot of toxic and let me think, ideas and beliefs around my body, my sexuality, my pleasure, my genitals. It was all bad and wrong and Tableau and sinful. So it’s really difficult to really have amazing sex life when you have all these kind of eh, limiting beliefs and IBS about your sexuality, about your eroticism. So that’s why I struggled for, for a long time. I was even abused when I was younger, sexually abused. So all of that really added to my struggle in the bedroom. I couldn’t orgasm, I couldn’t really experience a lot of pleasure in the bedroom. And I spelled like everybody else seemed to have this amazing sex life, but me.
Helena Nista (02:20):
So my journey really started as a, as my own personal interest. I wanted to learn about great sex. I wanted to know what was I w what I was missing in terms of entering the world of amazing orgasms and mindblowing sexual experiences. So that’s where it all started. I started studying potentia and I really loved Tasha and it started to give me amazing answers to my questions. And then I became a construct practitioner and Spotify SunShot teacher and I started teaching shot. And then I thought I wanted to extend, extend my toolkit even more because a lot of people are coming to me with sexual problems that maybe town’s shot wasn’t the best answer for always. So I studied sexology and I studied counseling in order to help people with sexual trauma. So all of, all of that really came together for me in becoming who I am because I am so passionate about what I do and I love working with people and I love showing them the way towards grade six. But I needed to, you know, I need to, first of all, to become the best experts that I could be in the area of six.
Daniel Tolson (03:25):
Do we call this the, when Harry met Sally model of selling you, you’ve seen the movie. When Harry met Sally, she’s having an orgasm and everybody else turns around and says, I want what she’s having. So as a sex therapist, if you’re getting the great orgasms, you’ve already proven that it works. And people would probably just say, we want that. Yes. It’s interesting you mentioned there about your journey as well and what you find that about one in four of our female clients has been sexually abused in their younger years and about one in one in six men. So when they start to work with us, they’re working on the mental and emotional blockages, but then they also need coaching because it’s not somebody that, you know, you don’t, your parents don’t teach you how to have sex. School doesn’t teach you how to have sex.
Daniel Tolson (04:13):
I talk about safe sex, but they don’t show you. So I believe for a lot of people at something that they’re just learning through trial and error, but it doesn’t make them good. So you’ve been there, you’ve overcome these challenges. One of the things that you say is often our upbringing conditions as to believe that sex is taboo, wrong, inappropriate, and not to be talked about. And this can lead to inhibitions, sexual wounding, and a range of problems in our sex life. Could you share a couple of more insights of how that this can impact our curries or our businesses? Could you give us some insights there?
Helena Nista (04:53):
Yeah, absolutely. Look, we are whole beings. We can’t just disconnect one part of our soaps and say, I’m gone. I’m going to just forego this part and I’m gonna forget it. And I’m just gonna foresee myself in other aspects of my life, which is what a lot of people try to do because they, you know, they do struggle sexually and they don’t really know what to do about it. We don’t really have great sources of sexual, you know, proper sexual education. So, so many people just, just struggle and settle with that with, you know, either mediocre sex life or no sex life or dealing with different issues that push them into a place of shame or embarrassment or guilt, et cetera. This and that. What happens is when this part such a crucial, important part of who we are, our sexuality, the East repressed or or toxic or unfulfilling or unsatisfying, this will spill out into the rest of our knives and you know, specifically speaking even of like kind of biological changes in their body specifically for men having a fulfilling sex life means really healthy levels of testosterone that then can be channeled into that deep, deep creativity.
Helena Nista (06:02):
So like literally full feeling, healthy, intimate, joyful, playful and loving sex life will translate into our ability to express ourselves more creatively and more deeply in any other area of lives and business. It’s one of those areas definitely. And I’ve worked with enough business men and business women to know that this is such an important part of their lives and this, this does affect every single area of life.
Daniel Tolson (06:34):
Yeah, I we, we haven’t seen a lot of men over the years whose testosterone have been very low and once you get to talk to them, you find out that their sex life is terrible or it doesn’t even exist. And you know, masturbation, they had just done themselves dry on that and they would really like a partner. So although they push it out at their awareness, it’s still in the subconscious and they’re constantly looking and they become very desperate and needy and it does impact their performance. What about the ladies?
Helena Nista (07:08):
My D I, I do know that some of my friends that they talk about, you know, when women wait, we gave birth, you know, you said the whole body transformation. Have you ever have some client always spirits that you know, the clients come to you after they gave birth, they just lost interest of having sex? It does happen, although it’s very, it’s also very unique and very individual. So some, some women, yeah, this would be definitely the case. They will not really want to have sex anymore. They will kind of have all of their energy and attention will be poured onto the baby and you know, and that kind of becomes the center of their lives. But whenever that happens, I do, I do try to sort of show them just how important the sexuality is as well. And that this ease in terribly healthy either before go your sexuality and kind of put it in the car and then for the time being because your intimate connection with your partner is so important and it’s going to stop there when we sort of switch off the sexuality just like our business life and our careers are going to suffer if we switch off our sex life.
Helena Nista (08:18):
People who are truly and joyfully fulfilled in their sexuality, they bring such depth of wellness and satisfaction into the rest of their lives this way. And it works. And I’ve seen it in that time. So now that this, these, these two are so linked and so connected, wow.
Daniel Tolson (08:37):
I, I believe in and I tell new all the time, I say, sweetheart, if you want me to make more sales, if you want to make more money, give me more sex. [inaudible] And if I, if I win silo when a client, I say, Hey babe, I know that I need a reward because it’s a, if you want more of those sales, just give me more. Six
Helena Nista (09:04):
I think you definitely bring out some of the very good points of view, you know, and I know that for our audience in the follower, what kind of practical ideas that you think UK share with us today to stop those, you know, self sabotage and improve our sex lives? You know, some of the, the ideas I really,
Daniel Tolson (09:27):
Anything you’d tell me right now I’m going to implement. So I’m just going to want a mini in a day. We’re going to be your your test case.
Helena Nista (09:36):
Oh yeah. Bumped up your game. Fantastic. I love that. I really actually loved that you put in, in terms of self sabotage because you know, whether it’s sex life or business or any other area of life, it is such a cool situation between what I want consciously. I want him great sex life. I will not have a beautiful relationship shape, you know, amazing career or a flourishing business, et cetera. And there’s also that kind of more subconscious part that is creating this habitat because these certain beliefs and thoughts and ideas are stuffing us. So like you know what I say to my clients is that as long as you see a difference or a gap between what you consciously want and what you are actually creating in your life, that means that there is a self sabotage happening. There is some kind of unconscious subconscious block.
Helena Nista (10:27):
There are limiting beliefs. So when it comes to overcoming them and not really practically looking at creating amazing sex life or amazing business for that matter as well. The first thing a still create awareness around what, where you are blocking yourself when you say, I want to have great sex lives, yet you grew up in a family that nobody talks about sex, but I’ve never really express their affection with hatch. You know, if you weren’t really hard as it as a child, if your parents are on some kind of a level, tells you that there’s something wrong with touching yourself or that your body is sinful, that you know your sexuality some somehow wrong and inappropriate, very likely these beliefs are still sitting there somewhere on the back of your head. And I actually find that in business as well. And who say, I want to make you know a lot of money in business and if they’re not making that it’s probably because there is some kind of belief, you know, toxic belief around money is all evil, money is bad, rich people are greedy and horrible and I would never, and I’m a good person, I would never want to be like those those people.
Helena Nista (11:33):
So the first step is definitely examining those beliefs and what is really happening for you in your, in your sex life and examining like where potentially there is room for improvement in time. So that whole like mental aspects of are you embracing your body as beautiful, sexual capable of amazing pleasure? Are you giving yourself the right to have great orgasms?
Daniel Tolson (11:58):
I remember a client, and it’s perfect example, what you’re saying here is that when he was younger it was masturbating in the bathtub. It was just discovering himself and his mum come in and just absolutely blasted him for masturbating and told him it was dirty and he can’t play with his penis. So as a 40 year old man, he deprived himself of sex because of this limiting belief. And that belief must have been somewhere in his mind for a good at 32 33 years. And he had to overcome that. So when he saw himself in the mirror, when he saw himself with his partner, he always felt dirty about it. Any assets so bad. But he really couldn’t figure it out until that belief came back up to the surface.
Helena Nista (12:41):
Exactly. That really breaks my heart. Like every time I encounter cases like that, and there’s so many of them where we have been somehow hurt or shamed or you know, conditioned in such a toxic way around, you know, sex is bad, sex is wrong. Sex is something people do, you know, behind closed doors in the bedroom and you know, preferably you’re married and preferably only to, you know, only to make babies otherwise, you know, otherwise it’s just all wrong. So many, so many.
Daniel Tolson (13:10):
Oh, for the coin on Sunday for the coin or just to consummate the marriage.
Helena Nista (13:17):
That’s true. Yeah. Whereas six, you know, it’s such a rich aspect of who we are and we can have sex not only for procreation but for pleasure, for connection, for entertainments, for exploration, for you know this, there’s so many different ways for us to express ourselves sexually and because this is a biological, natural healthy aspect of who we are, it is actually very healthy to give that part of ourselves and expression. And I’d actually, I’d traveled by them because they, they also like, I guess judged their sexual expression because they feel like maybe, you know, maybe they ideas don’t match this standard Bonnie last kind of kind of idea. You know, all like most of us are kinky. Most of us have ideas that don’t necessarily can be just confined into one type of sex. There’s no wrong way of having sex as long as consenting adults are involved. There’s no wrong way of having sex and it can be such a region potent area of our lives to have fun with and to play with them to explore and gain so much satisfaction from
Daniel Tolson (14:28):
Ninny asks, she says, Daniel, you’re obsessed with sex. And I said, no, I’m not sure. I said it. It’s my passion. I say to him, that’s a weird passion. I used to be an athlete and that was my passion. And now I’m married and this is my passion. I can definitely feel your positive energy, even from the VD,
Helena Nista (14:51):
You know, from the, the, the video call. I can just feel it.
Daniel Tolson (14:55):
So brilliant. So for our followers and friends, who’d like to learn more about your work, where should they start exploring your work? Should they go to your website? Is that the best place for them to start?
Helena Nista (15:07):
It is. It is, yeah. [inaudible] Dot com is the website. This is probably the best place to start. I’m also on social media, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, all of that. My, my, my is [inaudible] just to keep it simple.
Daniel Tolson (15:26):
Yeah. You’re a certified six geek. I love that shirt that you wear. I think that’s on point. But I want to let the ladies know that this was for you, but I want to let the men know that it’s also for them. And when you go to Helena’s website, you will see dozens of testimonials from men. So gentlemen, I encourage you to head over there right now as well. So Helene and I thank you so much for having us, has been a true pleasure. We’ve learned a lot. And I will implement everything you’ve said and I’ll report that. If the coach says we’re going to do this, we have to do it. That’s what we tell our clients. If the coach says it, you’ve got to do it. Okay? [inaudible] have a wonderful night.