Nicole Davidson helps female real estate sales and buyers agents grow their business and succeed on their own terms. And over the past 20 years, she has helped more than 1000 people around the world put balance back in their business.
Today, she is going to show you how to operate your internal navigation system.
Learn more about Nicole: http://nicoledavidson.com/
Learn More about Daniel Tolson & Nini Tolson: https://mentaldetox.com.au/stop-self-sabotage/
Daniel Tolson (00:02):
Ladies and gentlemen, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. Our guest today helps female real estate agents and buyers agents grow their business and succeed on their own terms. Over the past 20 years, she’s also helped more than 1000 people around the world put balance back in their lives. And today, she’s going to show you how to operate your internal navigation system. Please help me welcome to the Mental Detox Podcast, our good friend, Nicole Davidson. Welcome.
Nini Tolson (00:34):
Nicole Davidson (00:36):
Yeah, it’s lovely to be here. Thank you.
Daniel Tolson (00:38):
How pleasure. That’s a a, that’s a, it’s a big career. It’s a lot of people that you’ve served and you’ve also worked across four continents. You’ve helped a lot of people learn about what drives them that way. You want to know at that you, and what drives you?
Nicole Davidson (00:56):
Well, I would say what drives me is actually growing. I think from a very early time in my life, I remember it was 1989 and I remember reading the seven habits of highly effective people. And I remember the story that he told about don’t kill the goose that lays the golden egg. And so that became a real theme for me throughout, I guess as things progressed throughout my career, I was really conscious of the ways in which both businesses support their people because a lot of businesses don’t look after the goose that lays the golden egg. And I was also really conscious about, about me. And I think, I think what really drove me was also always trying to find out how to navigate my path. And I think over the time a lot of that has sort of come down to intuition and allowing myself to be guided in situations where there’s no rational reason for doing it. And that’s served me very, very well. So I think I’ve had this absolute drive, you know, self help books have just been my best friends. You know, I’ve read so many over the years and I think that drive just to keep going and to keep growing and expanding and not, not necessarily standing still.
Daniel Tolson (02:29):
Mm. What are your favorite development books that you’re reading at the moment?
Nini Tolson (02:35):
Speak to Wayne Nini
Daniel Tolson (02:37):
Has got a crush on Dan Locke.
Nini Tolson (02:39):
Oh, that’s true. I’ll lock it. Yeah. But I just like half halfway through, you know, it’s more about I think like a sailing jerk, you know, like how to be a good selves person. So that’s kind of a new journey for me and I think that he bring out some of the good points, you know, not just being a salesperson. The how develop you as a person to approach that. So that kind of kind of interesting me. Yeah. So I would say those.
Daniel Tolson (03:07):
Any other books that you’ve read license lately
Nini Tolson (03:10):
About IQ, emotional intelligence, you know, just how to, how we can input, you know, implement those kinds of skills that we already have into the corporate world. So, yeah.
Daniel Tolson (03:20):
So important. You’ve been in the corporate world for more than 20 years. You’ve worked in led organizations around the world and you’ve been global. Most Aussies don’t leave Sassies don’t have a passport or leave the Shire. During the past 20 years, how have you seen women fail and how do you see them set themselves up for failure as they start to compete with other people in? And I know you also talk about they don’t play to their strengths. So can you give us an insight to what this looks like in business?
Nicole Davidson (03:55):
Hmm. What it looks like in business is, I would say a really big one is not asking for what you really want. I think we’re conditioned and I think probably women in particular, although I do think it’s something that men don’t necessarily think about as much as they should either or could, but it’s really feeling into what it is you really want. Because the problem that I see is that when we sit ourselves on a path and it’s not really coming from the heart, then there’s kind of an effort to it. And when, if it to it, things don’t necessarily go as smoothly as they could. It also me is that when we get to a stage where we might’ve achieved the goal, there’s not necessarily the satisfaction that’s there from it because there’s an element that’s missing. And I think that element is really the calling of our soul about what it is we’re really here for and what we want to do.
Nicole Davidson (04:55):
And so what I find is that when women aren’t necessarily honest with themselves, and I think it does start from being honest with ourselves, nobody else is forcing us to do anything. So when we’re really conscious about feeling into what it is we truly want, rather than thinking about what it is we think we can get, that’s a really big distinction. And that distinction actually allows things to start running much more smoothly. So first of all, I think that’s a really big one and that’s probably the biggest one that I see. I also think that in terms of talking about women playing to their strengths on paper, our strengths can look very different to who we really are. And I think that what we try to do is compete in a way that’s not really who we are. And we feel that we have to, you know, fit into a certain mold. We feel that have to, you know, say the right things, do the right things. And what this world needs is more people to speak up from their heart and actually say what they believe. And so what I find is that a lot of women are in there playing the game, but in playing the game, they’re actually suppressing that part of themselves, which is really the part of themselves, which is going to be the gold mine.
Daniel Tolson (06:21):
I like what you say about heart what you believe in business today, that you’ve got to throw out your strategic planes every 90 days because the rate of change is so fast. And I find for the people who are doing what they truly love, they don’t mind riding the turbulent times. They don’t mind having ups and downs. And I maintain a consistent level of action in the good times and the bad times. But the people who don’t come from the heart, you can say that it really pushes them around from pillar to post. I don’t fully engage. They really thinking about doing something else. And I’m not sure how many people are aware of this, but if you consider a plane B for as little as 10 minutes, that’s enough to sabotage your success. So if you’re doing something and it’s not from the heart, you’ve already sabotaged biggest, your heart’s going to wander and it’s going to be die during bed. All the things that you could have been that you should have been and you’re just killing the opportunities that you have in front of you right now.
Nicole Davidson (07:25):
Spot on. And that’s, I think that’s a really important point too because but security so often we’re looking for that security from outside ourselves and we’re looking outside of ourselves. You know, we live in such an outside in world, we’re looking outside of ourselves for permission, acceptance, validation, all of those things. But the problem with that is that if we don’t get it, then we’re kind of flown in the breeze and we feel really unstable and it’s from that place, from that unstable place that we can’t really do our best stuff anyway because, you know, we don’t, we don’t have an anchor, we don’t have something to secure us. So therefore we really need to create that place within ourselves where that security lies. And you can even see me sit back as large as that because once the security comes from in here and we’re not looking at for it out there, then we show up as our most powerful version of ourselves. Then we know that whatever we choose to ask for is perfectly valid because we understand that that’s what we need and we’re more honest about what we need and what happens is to, the beauty of it is when we come from that place where we’ve got our own insecurity, our own inner security, our outside world responds to that.
Daniel Tolson (08:50):
Nicole Davidson (08:51):
And so you can’t lose,
Daniel Tolson (08:53):
We had a guest on the owls now podcast in, she specializes in training people how to sell and she said she does not do follow up. And she said, what happens is when you follow up, you become insecure and it’s like you start to beg for the business and she said, she doesn’t follow up this suits. You buy it if you want it, take it. If not, don’t take it, but I’m not going to follow you up. Because she said, when you follow up, you get that desk, that desperate nature about you. And she was pretending like, you know, Hey Minnie, just following up, following up,
Nicole Davidson (09:32):
Is this neediness, isn’t it?
Daniel Tolson (09:34):
So needy? And one other thing that I’ve noticed in Indian, I wrote about this anyhow, book winsouls sales now is people also sabotage books. They don’t use their own product. And I remember when I was in real estate, I was very clear on the properties that I would buy and I wouldn’t buy or the areas that I would buy in or I wouldn’t buy in. And if I felt that I would buy this type of home, whether it being an investment or to myself to live in, I would take that client on. But if I looked at that house went, this is a shit house, I would never buy it. And I can’t convince somebody else to, I just wouldn’t take the business. But I felt so good because I knew that when I met somebody, I could be so genuine and say I would actually invest in this because reason a, B, and C and it was coming from the heart as well because I would’ve bought it.
Nini Tolson (10:26):
Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Cause I think Nico, you, you, you share a lot of, you know, like good points out there and we just wondering, you know, what kinds of practical ideas that you can share more with our friends and the follower to use to stop self-sabotage and activate when you’re talking about it. Internal navigation system. Mm. So in terms of our internal navigation system, first of all, we need to pay attention to it. There are so many distractions out there, right? We’re on social media, we come home and we have a drink. Which kind of, you know, takes us out of our, our prison nexus. Relaxed doesn’t necessarily allow us to feel into what we’re actually feeling. So I would say the first thing is to become aware of how you’re feeling and not saying to get bogged down in our emotional whatever. But unless we know what steady and what good feels like, then it’s hard to come back to.
Nicole Davidson (11:28):
And so one of the problems I see is people seeing things that they don’t want as a bad thing. I love recognizing what I don’t want because then I know what I do want. So getting in touch with how you’re feeling about certain things does just something like upset you a little bit. I see so many women minimizing things and minimizing when somebody something and they feel uncomfortable with it. If I didn’t mean it or you know that’s fine. But when you become aware of how you sense things and how you feel things, then you have can tap into that navigation system inside of you. And we, Oh, very good at labeling emotions as good and bad, positive and negative. Whereas really the comfortable and uncomfortable, pleasant and unpleasant. So rather than having a spectrum, and these are the positive and these the negative, I’ve started to lock in it like you know, the Powerball thing or all the balls go up in the air, right?
Nicole Davidson (12:36):
And whichever ball comes down, you can call that a positive or negative number. It just is. But it’s part of the mix. And so when we can allow ourselves to start feeling into that and not make ourselves wrong, you know, it’s so easy to make ourselves wrong. And that’s an absolute thing about self sabotage judgment. I used to be, I used to be like a black belt in judgment, passive aggression. I used to do that really well as well. But that kind of vet judgment was really when I looked into it, now that was about me. So now it’s about accepting and not making anything that we’re feeling wrong, but recognizing that it’s simply a gold nugget. Now if all you’re doing every day is finding gold nuggets, nothing can really go wrong, can it? Because it phase, it’s either telling you to go this way or to go that way.
Nicole Davidson (13:31):
And once you start listening to that and feeling into it and then trusting it, which is the, which is the challenging part for a lot of people because there’s a lot of pressure outside. Go listen to it. [inaudible] Nobody’s living your life. Nobody’s going to have to deal with the outcome of the choices you make except for you. So when you can come from that place where you see everything that happens and you go, Hmm, interesting. Rather than looking at it as anything else, all it becomes is an opportunity for you to decide, do you want to go this way or do you want to go that way? And when you start making choices for you that keep going in the way that you want, you wake up one day and you go, wow.
Daniel Tolson (14:13):
So the people who are looking for excuses, we’re going to send them to research, Google and look for reasons for their excuses. But the people who want to overcome excuses and it shapes success faster, they can go to your website, which is Nicole davidson.com it’s a very comprehensive website and through the website, can they reach out to you personally to learn more about the work that you’re doing with women? Can they do that?
Nicole Davidson (14:36):
Absolutely. Yep. Love to hear from them.
Daniel Tolson (14:39):
Well, ladies and gentlemen, make sure you head over there now and Nicole has more than 20 years of experience, worked with more than a thousand people on four continents, and she will help you get to your goals faster and easier. The call, thanks for joining us today. We appreciate your time and we’ll see you again soon.
Nicole Davidson (14:57):
Thanks so much for having me. Thank you.
Daniel Tolson (14:58):
Pleasure. Have a wonderful day.
Nicole Davidson (15:01):